I’ve been having a pretty low week. There’s a number of things that have been falling out of place for me, and I’m clocking the fact that I know that I’m letting my emotions spiral down.
It’s easy for me to want to sit in that place, knowing full well how destructive letting myself go into those places can be.
I haven’t been writing much. There’s a piece I want to submit for a festival, but I’m much too focused on doing the things that I know will pay for life. It’s not to say that I’m working on things I don’t want to because I’m really enjoying my startup projects, it’s just a matter of… I’m about to have to spend quite a bit of money, and I’m actually kind of scared that what I bring in isn’t enough.
I’m working hard at trying to figure out what my balance between everything is. Trying to weigh what’s the most important to me. I know I’ve talked that a bit before, but I have the big worry that things won’t work out. Everyone does, especially when you’re the source of your own income.
I have to seek out my freelance projects, whether it be the arts, or advertising, or web design, or teaching. I’m in charge of sending those e-mails. Making those phone calls. Making sure that I can support myself.
And things have been great these past few months. I’ve been happier than I’ve been in a long. I’m dreaming of moving to a country I’m falling in love with. And I’m spending time with people I love dearly.
I’ve been riding roller coasters to lose myself. I’ve been cooking more to take care of myself. And I’ve been doing a lot of self-care.
I’m proud of myself.
I just need to quit allowing myself to get so down because life is throwing some bullshit at me.
I need to remember that I wasn’t given any handouts and that I built where I am right now and even that is something to be proud of.
It’s gonna be okay, even if you don’t feel like it is. You’ve been through this before, you’ll probably be through it again, but just keep pushing through and you’ll be alright.
Chin Up Chuck.