I’ve been feeling more me again. I don’t know what sparked it, but I’ve been feeling more energized and especially artistic. I fall in and out of feeling me quite frequently, and sometimes I feel like there are glimpses of me feeling me, but this time I feel closer than I’ve ever felt.
It sounds fairly juvenile to say all of that, but again for some reason, I find it extremely hard to feel like myself.
I go days to weeks to months feeling like everything is rushing beside me, no purpose to exist other than to just be alive and take up space… but today I feel really different. Again, nothing to spark it other than feeling better.
I spent some time looking at archives of old vlogs of mine that I made in 2012 (some of them still make me laugh), and I stopped and rewatched some old Brett & Abbey videos (I really did enjoy making those.)
I guess it got me inspired to remember what my goals are and what I really enjoy doing… so maybe that’s why I’m feeling me again.
Something about making videos and being able to rewatch them helps me remember what really drives me. What makes want to wake up in the morning. A lot of it involves creation. Not of a particular media, but just accessing ideas and challenging myself to think outside of the box.
Teaching has been getting easier as well. I feel a lot less overloaded, and the semester is coming to an end very quickly. That doesn’t mean I’m not just as busy as I was at the beginning of the semester, it just means that I’ve been able to focus on more of my own projects and making sure that I take care of my body better.
K and I have been going on long walks and I can’t deny that we are usually playing Pokémon Go and I even started practicing singing every day again, which has been a bit of a challenge for me for a while now. I think what I’m most excited about when it comes to winter break is recording music again and writing scripts. This semester has definitely made it difficult for me to get into that zone, but it’s my responsibility to make sure I do the things I want to do with no excuses.
I’m going to make sure I do something creative daily. Whether it’s taking photos, singing a song, writing a script, recording a video, etc. And while I’m clearly aware that my YouTube Channel has completely died (did I ever mention the fact that almost every single one of my videos has been copystriked… even my own original music… by apparently… me?) I’m going to compile all of my videos onto my main channel, that way if I do get back into making music videos or films, I’ll just upload it there for ease of access versus having multiple channels for each genre. I don’t care about marketing right now, I just care about being productive… yanno?
Well. Here’s to doing things! And on that note: I leave you to a re-upload of the first episode of Brett & Abbey.