Breathe Like

I find it extremely hard to separate myself from art. Although there have been countless efforts to try to convince me that there would no way for me to survive just creating art, those efforts mean nothing to me since I feel like art is just the extension of me.

My sister always jokes that I would probably be happy being poor, just as long as I was sharing art… and that’s fairly true. I mean, emotionally that’s fairly true, it’s just obviously there are so many times I have to put down my art to get another job. But even when that’s going on, I still feel like there are elements in my life that I want to express with my artistic side. I don’t know if that makes any sense.

Either way, since moving into our new place, I haven’t really found the time to paint the walls and fix the things that are broken. It’s a huge reason why I’m so excited for winter break as I can’t wait to make this place look so much better.

I’ve already started filling in some of the holes in the walls. I’ve cleaned out spaces that seemed like they haven’t been cleaned in years. I actually started a new blog to share some of the things I’ll be doing in the new place. But all in all, the next job I really want to get started is the painting. We’ve been talking about colours since before we even moved… and months later… the walls are still stained and water damaged. We’ve picked colours… about 2 months ago… and still we haven’t gotten the paint. At least we have the paintbrushes… right? We’re both huge procrastinators, and I feel like I’m overloaded with work right now.

Tonight, I started thinking about the walls again. Then thought about my childhood home. My college years were emotionally rough and I moved back in with my parents. I felt worse than I had ever felt and so I started painting Jessie J’s lyrics on my wall. It was a song I couldn’t stop thinking about and I just wanted to get it out of my body. It wasn’t the most beautiful paint job, but I loved waking up to it and seeing it as a helpful reminder that I was going to be okay.

I loved that wall so much and I want to bring that into my new home.

I don’t know what exactly I’m going to paint on the walls, but I definitely want to try out patterns or odd colour schemes, things to make my space my own. Art is a part of me. I can’t separate myself from it. Every time I pull away from it, it pulls me back and I re-fall in love.

So was my sister right when she said that I would probably be happy being poor, just as long as I was sharing art? Kind of. I’d be happy always creating, just as long as I had no difficulties trying to survive. Art’s not really my end goal career. I never want to truly look at it as a job, but as a passion. I want to create because I’m happy creating, not because I want to pay my next month’s hydro bill.

Off to coming up with ideas.